


Bloodline

by baz_is_a_skeez



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/F, Gen, Ouch, lmao who else is absolutely terrified for Historia's well being???, mostly Historia-centric also she misses ymir
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-06
Updated: 2018-07-06
Packaged: 2019-06-06 02:22:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15184643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baz_is_a_skeez/pseuds/baz_is_a_skeez
Summary: She would give the people what they needed, whether she hated it or not. She hardly had a choice.





	Bloodline

**Author's Note:**

> Some people???? Write shitty heartbreaking fanfiction??? To cope???? 
> 
> This is my first SNK fic ever and of course it’s tragic, I’m so sorry Historia lmao
> 
> I love my girl so much!!! Let’s fuckin pray for her in these trying times and hope she actually likes her baby at least a little bit? I mean at the very least she’ll make a cute mom right??? 
> 
> Anyway here’s some misery  
> (also you can follow me on tumblr at dead-gay-ymir thank u)

This wasn’t what she wanted.

Historia always fantasized about being a mother. When she was younger, she swore to herself that she would be a parent who loved her child, and gave them all the attention they wanted and deserved. She wanted to give them everything she never got from her own mother - love, care, protection. Someone to rely on and trust. Real family.

She thought she would have a real family. A child, and someone to love them with. Someone to love _her._

When she imagined herself getting pregnant or adopting an orphan, she always saw it in her mind as a happy occasion. She would talk about it excitedly to her partner, who would be just as elated as she was. They would kiss and celebrate, and welcome their child with open, loving arms.

Eventually, her imaginary partner became real, had a face and a name. She never talked to her about it, knowing the comment would likely be laughed off, but she always thought that Ymir would make a great parent.

She used to be able to see them together with a little girl or boy who they saved from a life like their own. They would raise the child well, and they would be happy together, and everything would be _perfect._

Things didn’t work out the way Historia wanted them to.

This pregnancy was unwanted. This pregnancy was lonely, and so was Historia. So was her unborn baby. The poor thing hadn’t even left her womb, and already it was destined to live in a world where it was never meant to exist.

Just like it’s mother.

Historia would do anything and everything she could avoid becoming like her own mother. She would not neglect this baby the way she had been neglected. She would never hit it, or tell it she wished it was never born, even if that were the truth.

This child could _not_ end up like her. She wouldn’t allow it.

She didn’t want to hate the baby. She wanted to love it, but she had no idea how. How could she love a child she was never meant to have? One who made her feel like a prisoner despite not yet even having the ability to think or speak? She didn’t know, but she would try.

She thought of Ymir, who’s lovely face was as clear and familiar in her memory as it had been four years ago. How would she suggest Historia handle this? She felt that she was long past the point of living for herself as Ymir always told her to. Her plan to run off and live with Ymir outside the walls was long gone, no longer anything more than a distant fever dream.

Being with Ymir, being ‘Krista’, being truly happy…it all felt like a lifetime ago. She couldn’t dwell on it now, even if it was the only thing that brought her any kind of joy.

She didn’t think about much of anything anymore. Her life now was made up of waiting. Waiting to give birth, waiting to see what people would have her do next. Ymir would no doubt be disgusted by the whole thing.

She pushed the thought out of her head. She pushed every thought out of her head. She focused on nothing. She felt nothing. She became nothing.

Sometimes, she felt like she had never been anything at all.


End file.
